When I was in grade 11, I looked like I was in grade 8. Not only did I look younger, but my classmates often reminded me of it.
To make matters worse, I had two broken front teeth (which I still have!). On different days, I was called “chotu” (the small one), “thingu” (the short one), or “khargosh” (rabbit).
At the time, I didn’t realize this was body shaming. It’s strange how such comments impact you. There’s a double whammy: you discount your own strengths and start magnifying the qualities of others.
Most of the boys in my grade were a foot taller than me and already had girlfriends. Some of them sang like top 40 artists, while others played basketball like Michael Jordan. These were the “cool kids.” I desperately wanted to be part of the cool gang but didn’t know how. I developed a massive complex and felt like I was a nobody.
Needless to say, life as a teenager was tough. There was no place to hide. In school photographs, I used to stand at the backrow trying to be invisible. In family photographs, I used to make funny faces to hide my khargosh (rabbit) teeth.
Aaaargh …Body shaming! Sometimes you do it to yourself.
Nature has a way of dealing with tough situations. In looking at my inadequacies, I forgot there were some special qualities about me. I realized that I could make a friend and talk to just about anyone. I discovered that people genuinely found me funny (not my looks …my sense of humor). And what matered the most (at least then, all the girls in my grade shared their secrets with me!). I became a cheerleader of the underdog. I would help all new comers. I would share my food with people who sat alone. I would speak to anyone who no one spoke to. I was popular …I just didn’t know it.
I grew up …finally … both in height and in years. When I reflect back, all I can say is thank you for shaming me. My inadequacies made me develop other muscles like empathy, reading people, helping people, laughing at myself and seeing the funny side of life. And it contributed to making me a very successful global HR executive. I married the woman I loved and have an adorable daughter. Life turned out better than I ever dreamed. Some of the scars remain…. I still make funny faces while being photographed 😊.
What I learnt:
The core you – your close friends, your family, your strengths is who you are. Don’t let bullies take that away from you. Don’t let what they say about you define who you are. Remind yourself about the core you.
Being cool or trying to be in the popular gang is temporary and there is a big price tag – the more you try, the more your self-image will take a beating. Seek friends who bring out the best in you.
And finally, life is about hard knocks … you cannot avoid it. The most important thing is how you deal with the hard knocks and bounce back stronger.
Written By
Pavan
Founder GenWE